Feb 15, 2011

About a Boy, Part 1

I said a week or so ago that with adoption, unless there is a placement pending, there really isn't much to give in the way of updating. I guess I was wrong. Quite a bit has happened in just the past few weeks. I wanted to write it all down just to remember it, and for those in my family and circle of friends who really do care what is going and on and who are sincerely praying for us. I also want to share it as hopefully a testimony of what God is doing. Because He has very much been at work these past few weeks.

I got a call several weeks ago from our former pastor. He knew of a woman who was (is) pregnant and was looking, along with her caregivers, for an adoptive couple for her baby. He had told them about us and they wanted to speak with us. The young woman lives in a home for troubled teens. She is older (30's) and has some communication and developmental issues. Reagan called and spoke with her caregiver. He was told that the baby was (is) a boy and would be born in April. Because of her developmental issues, they all felt it was best if the baby was placed for adoption. Reagan told him that we would pray and talk about it and get back with him. We did pray and talk about it. Then, just a couple days later, Mrs. Brown was admitted to the hospital and Reagan wasn't able to call the man back immediately because of all we were dealing with. When Reagan did contact him again the following week, he was told they had found another couple that wanted to adopt the baby. We were a little upset that he didn't wait for us to get back with him, but if we've learned anything from all we've been through with adoption, and then finally the way we saw God work through Sara Madaln's birth and adoption, is that, when a child is meant to be with us, that child will be with us. If a child is not meant to be ours, God works to place that child with the parents He has for them. So, we were at peace and moved on from that situation.

Then, early this past Monday morning (February 14), I received a message from Sara Madalin's birth grandmother, Nana. She said that she had a friend of a friend who had a baby Sunday. The woman (birthmother) had a couple who was interested in adopting the baby, but when the baby was born, it was a boy. They have either 2 or 3 boys already and really wanted a girl. Since it was a boy, the other couple most likely were not going to adopt the baby. Nana said she didn't know if we were interested, but if we were, that we should try to contact the birthmother immediately.

(Let me just stop here and say, isn't it amazing to have the grandmother of your adopted child working for you to help you adopt another child? It just brings tears to my eyes. For those who've never been through adoption, or had much experience with how the process usually works, that doesn't often happen. We are blessed.)

I told her that I would really feel better if I got my friend Susie involved. Susie is the one who worked with Sayra (SM's birthmother and Nana's daughter) when we adopted SM. She ministered to Sayra, and still does from time to time. She walked with us through the wait and was even in the delivery room with us when SM was born. Susie has a way with people. She has a way of loving and talking to people that just helps you see the better path to walk. She's had a lot of experience with seeing a bigger picture, especially when those involved can only see things from their own perspective. She helped me see things from Sayra's perspective while in the hospital, and at the same time, helped Sayra better understand where we were coming from as adoptive parents. She was even standing beside me holding my hand during our embryo transfer a few years ago. She has walked me through some of the toughest days of my life. I just feel better having her on my side. I knew that if Susie could talk to the birthmother, she could ask questions I wouldn't think to ask, because I would just be too emotionally invested in getting a baby.

So, I sent Susie a text message and said, "What do you have going on the next couple days? I may need you to go with me to get a baby." Just as I sent that to her, Nana sent me a telephone number and name of someone to contact about the baby boy. I called Susie and before she even said hello she said, "I'm praying." I gave her the number and told her she needed to call this person immediately because the birthmother and baby would probably be released either that day (Monday) or the next (today). She called and it was a wrong number. So she called Nana and got the correct number and she called and spoke with the mediator for the birthmother.

Throughout all this, not only was I talking to Nana and Susie, but Reagan and I were talking too. Cause, remember, he's a part of all these decisions as well. He and I were talking about how we could work things out to go get the baby - care for SM, work schedule, etc. (He was, of course, already thinking about college tuition. Or better yet, private school tuition. For TWO.) He was thinking about how he's not athletic and wouldn't know how to teach a son about sports. I was thinking, "How am I going to change Sara Madalin into her swimsuit Thursday morning at swim lesson with a newborn strapped to me?" And "Who's going to keep BOTH of my children for the next 3 months on Tuesday night while I go to class?"

But then we both stopped thinking and started praying.

We want children. That is not news to anyone who knows us. We have wanted a house full of children (along with a cabinet full of happy pills for me) our entire marriage. We have spent our money, our time, our marriage, working toward children. We've done everything physically and financially possible to conceive or adopt. But through all of it we have learned, more important than wanting children is wanting God's will for our lives. We want His perfect will. And sometimes His perfect will in contradiction to what we might want at the moment. And we know better than most (because of our disobedience at times) that God blesses obedience. We have found that being obedient in all things, makes life and marriage so much more than it could be if we selfishly seek what WE want.

So, we prayed. We knew that if this was our child, God would bring him home to us. But, if it wasn't, God would send him to who his parents really are.

A little while later I got a message from Susie. She said the baby was bi-racial - part caucasian, part Hispanic. She wanted to know if that was a problem for us. No, it's not. We'd even looked at adopting from Guatemala or Ecuador when we first began pursuing adoption. When we found out this baby was bi-racial, I told Reagan, "I could love that baby just like I love our blonde haired, blue-eyed girl." He said, "I know you could." I have loved children in church, in foreign countries, in my family, that looked and acted differently from what either Reagan or I look or act. And I have no doubt that we could do that with a child we adopted as our own. So, Susie continued as she could with her pursuit of this child. She spoke with and texted the birthmother throughout the rest of the day.

During all this, I was thinking about where I was going to get boy clothes before we went to pick him up. EVERYTHING we have is pink. Where is he going to sleep? Where are all my bottles? I don't have a car seat. My sister has the one we used for SM. And where in the world did I pack my Babywise book when we moved? Cause I just can't handle a baby who's not on a schedule. SM was perfect. She put herself on a schedule. How can I handle TWO children and not go absolutely crazy??????

I had a million things going on in my mind. And to say I was emotional - oh, that would be a huge understatement.

But in the middle of it all, I kept coming back to this thought, "It's ok. Those aren't things you really need to worry about right now."

Why? Because even though we wanted him, and it would have meant the end to all the adoption emotions, the waiting, the unknowns... he wasn't going to come home with us. I knew he wasn't ours. I knew before I got the message from Nana. I knew before I found out he was a boy or bi-racial. I knew long ago, if we ever got a call about a private adoption of a boy, it wouldn't be because he was our child. I knew whose family he was really meant to be a part of. I knew his adoptive parents.

And I'll tell you about them in my next post.

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Meet the Robinsons said...

Praying for you and your family. I know in God's time you will get your house full of children...don't know about those happy pills though :)

blessedmomto8 said...

WOWZERS! Can't wait to see how God worked out "the rest of the story" :)

Meghan said...

Wow...so suspenseful. I am waiting anxiously to hear the other half.

Amanda said...

I don't necessarily pray on a daily basis, but when I do, I pray for ya'll, but I do think of ya'll a lot, and just can't wait for you to be blessed with another child, and I can't wait to hear the rest of this story.