Feb 16, 2011

About a Boy - Part 2

Three years ago, not long after we adopted Sara Madalin, Susie told me about another couple who had asked her to help them find a child as well. She didn't give me the details of their struggle to have children. She just told me that they were unable to have children and hoped to adopt. They were not with an agency, and really their only hope was a private adoption. She asked me to remember them if I heard of anything that might be an adoption for them. I never met them, I only knew their first names.

Then earlier last year she told me that they had a possible adoption. They were working with a woman who was due in the Spring. She was going to have a boy and they were excited about having a son. They began to tell their friends and family about the impending birth. They named him and bought all the things they thought they would need to welcome a newborn. The adoptive mother (whose name I will not publish until she gives me the "ok") began to go to doctor's visits with the birthmother. They helped her with financial and physical needs. And the birthmother continually assured them that she would go through with her adoption plan. She had several children already and said she just couldn't shoulder the responsibility of another child. She seemed very sure of her decision.

Then, a few weeks before the baby was due, she began to tell Susie (who was again serving as a mediator for the birth and adoptive families) that she wanted to go visit her family in Texas. Susie tried to explain to her that right now was not the best time to do that. She convinced her that she should wait until after the baby was born, and then visit family. She stayed... until a few days before she was to give birth. Then, she just disappeared. Susie couldn't find her anywhere that she knew to look. She couldn't get in touch with her by phone. Finally, she had to tell the adoptive couple that the mother and baby were gone and she didn't know if they were coming back.

You can imagine their disappointment. Or maybe you can't. Reagan and I can. We've lived it. We walked that road just two years before Sara Madalin was born. I know what it is like to go to doctor's appointments and watch on a sonogram screen as a child I longed for moves inside someone else - someone who doesn't even watch the screen, but rather spends the entire time texting her friends who are in school. I know what it's like to have someone promise me all the things they know I want to hear, only to later find those promises were just empty words. I know what it's like to have a box full of clothes and bibs that I've had monogrammed with a name that even today I don't speak. I know how it feels to get a phone call where someone tells you, "She's changed her mind. She wants to keep the baby." I know what it's like to feel the pain - yet again, in yet another way - of being told you can't have a child. I know what it's like to have to tell people that have waited with you for the birth of a child, that no child is coming. I know what it's like to see the pity in their eyes. I know what it's like for those same people to avoid bringing up the subject of children around you because they just don't know how to act or address it around you. And I NEVER want anyone to experience that pain if I can prevent it or remedy it. When Susie told me what happened to that family, my heart hurt for them.

A few days after the birthmother disappeared she called Susie. She told her that she'd had the baby and that he had been born dead. We don't know if that is truth or a cover for whatever she might have done with him. It doesn't matter. It did at the time. It mattered to that couple who was mourning the loss of what they thought would be their son. But if you asked them today, I bet they would tell you, "It does not matter. None of that matters now."

So, when we got the message earlier this week and began to explore the possibility of adopting this little boy in north MS, I immediately thought of them. And I knew Susie did too. She's told me through tears many times that she prayed for a child for them just as she did for me and Reagan. And as Reagan and I talked and prayed Monday, he asked me to share with him my thoughts. I told him, "My thoughts are that this is someone else's child." We talked about that and what passing on this adoption would mean for us. We cried a little. Then we decided we'd wait to hear from Susie before deciding how to proceed. A little later he texted me and said Susie needed to know how to proceed with the birthmother. I sent him a message that said, "Tell her to get the baby for _____." and I typed the name of the woman from the other couple.

Have I cried about that decision? A little more than a few tears. Have I regretted that decision? Not once.

Reagan and I are very much at peace with our decision to obey God and help this couple find their child. We are sad at what passing on this adoption means for us. It means that we continue to wait with an agency, knowing that wait could be anywhere from 2-4 years. Knowing that even at that, we aren't assured that our wait will result in a placement and adoption. We know that the decision we made this week means more tears for us. We know it means more emotional roller coasters. We know it means some people will be upset with us because they are waiting and would never pass on such an opportunity. (As I said yesterday, it seems everything we've done for years has been to prepare for opportunities like this. We've had so many "almost" adoptions. We waited so many years for Sara Madalin. We've been passed up so many times. To have something that would have worked out so quickly and so smoothly fall into our laps and for us to pass this opportunity on to someone else - I don't know of that happening too often. A couple years ago, we couldn't have and wouldn't have done what we did this week. And it's not that we have SM that we are able to say no to this baby boy. It's only because we know it is what God wants us to do.) We know that our actions may seem ungrateful to some people. We also know that to some people, we might even seem a little "crazy". (Crazy Love - read it - better yet, try to live it)

But we also know we obeyed God. We know what having peace in that decision feels like. We know that there is a little boy - who is so very cute, by the way - who is sleeping in his Mommy's arms because we chose obedience over what we wanted or what would have been the easier, more comfortable choice for us.

Early Tuesday morning, just 24 hours after I first received a message about the baby, Susie and Wayne and the adoptive couple traveled to north MS and by the end of the day, they were headed home with their son. Susie sent me a message that said, "In the car, headed home Praise God!" And I cried. They sent me a picture and his name. And I cried. But they were all good tears. Tears of happiness and peace and relief.

As of my writing this, I still haven't met them in person. I don't even know if they know my name. But if at all possible, I hope to visit them soon. I may wait a few days and let them settle in and let the emotions of the last few days wear off - for me and them. But I hope to meet them and see for myself what God has done.

Please, please, please don't think I've shared this to boast of anything Reagan and I have done. Trust me when I tell you that this was, in our flesh, one of the most difficult things we've done. We selfishly wanted that child. But we know that God brought us to this to obey Him and we want to point back to Him and say glory be to Him for the great things He has done for this family. We are thankful that He allowed us to be just a small part of it.

Please pray for this family and this precious little boy. I pray God raises him up to be a mighty man of God some day. I pray that his little life points people to Jesus. Thanks for indulging me if you took time to read this. I hope that God uses this testimony in some way to bring honor to Him.

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Melanie said...

Your post brought me to tears! I prayed last night for you and Reagan. And after reading this, I prayed for y'all and for this other family. I hope this little baby boy will be a blessing to them, and they will be a blessing to him. What a wonderful testimony to God's will.

Rebecca Powers said...

Great love story! Thank you for sharing it with us! Still praying for your family!

Kelli said...

What an amazing thing you and Reagan have done. I too was in tears reading this. I have prayed for your family for awhile and will continue to do so. Thank you for sharing your story!

Victoria said...

I am fairly sure I know friends of the Family that did adopt that precious boy, and I know that he is a blessing to them!

Charla (SHar-la) said...

What an absolutely beautiful story that only God Himself could have written! Thank you for sharing! I am crying tears of joy for the adoptive family as I type! I read so much of our story in this one and you're absolutely right...the one thing I've learned in all of our infertility struggles, adoption thoughts, and now during my pregnancy after IVF, is about true obedience to God. I have to say, I thought I knew so much before, but now I know just how little I actually was wise to when it came to TRUE obedience and the peace and release it brings with it. Thank you again for sharing.

Amber said...

Such an amazing story! Thank you for sharing! I'm touched by your heart and obedience to God!

Amanda said...

That is a great testimony for that child, and everyone involved, and I hope you can use this story to lead someone to Christ, and help other hopeful parents. Ya'll are great people, and that shows in every post, especially these last few. I pray that God blesses you with another child, because that child would be blessed beyond measure!

Amber said...

Oh how I LOVE your blog and reading about your faithfulness to God! Praying not only for the new parents of that sweet baby boy but for your sweet family,too!!!

jan brown said...

God is so good. He has a perfect plan thanks for sharing the blessing

MyLinda said...

What an unselfish amazing story. You will surely be blessed for the happiness that you have helped bring to that family.